Hey, deja vu...

Really missed talking at you...

Been a while...I have missed you my friends! I think I had a bit of a mental vacation. I was reading, as you all know, about Autism. In my search for information, I realized that it is entirely possible...likely...that I am raising 11 Autistic children. I am exhausted, as if somehow giving what we are living through a name makes it somehow harder. It's not. It's always been hard. But now I am convinced that regardless of the fall out, I need to have a professional step in and help with actual diagnosis, referrals for school, and other assorted minutia in the life or any family that has 11 kids with challenges. We started the summer with good intentions. I was going to home school them lightly, focusing on organizational skills which are needed across the board. Follow it up with test and note taking skills, which would be necessary where ever they are schooled. Finally, I would dip into some literature about the civil war and a Note booking study on the same. I hoped to follow this up with a trip to some Civil War sites in PA when we took our annual holiday to see Grandma. However, by one hour into day one, we quit. My children basically said that they were never going to home school and why do we have to be so different from everybody else. And can we all get iPhones...I figured it was going to be a long hot summer, but I had no idea...I was stressed. I think I lost my words. That made me very sad. How about those kids who don't have their words in the first place. I felt so helpless.

Cha-cha...changes...

To the end of subsidizing a robust treatment plan and being stricter with our whole food regime and babysitters, sigh, I decided to look for a job :o) Yes, being the mother of 11 children is a Full-Time Job, but I am an old mommy with a chronic disease. I have already spent more than 16 years of my life being a SAHM and now I want to go out!!! Even if it's just to a job. I tried having a position where I could beef up my writing and hope that went somewhere, however, my first two foray's were somewhat unsuccessful...I think I need better equipment!! A little more software. In order to that, I need a job. I know my husband would probably do this and he is entirely supportive, however, feeling a little sheepish...like my 6 year old when she get stubborn...My want to do it by myself!! In my research for the articles for Autism, what struck out at me is, wait for it...there is really a shortage of qualified teachers in the United States! OK, in North Texas anyway, and I am not moving back to Scranton!! Investigating grad school and entertaining enrollment counselors was fun, but I also found out that TX (and a few other states) has programs to help individuals with bachelors' degrees segue into teaching. Awesome! In a few days, I was signed up and getting started. I have to admit I had a bad moment when I sent an email to Penn State asking to have my transcript forwarded to iTeachtexas. I asked the enrollment counselor what grades were required assuring her that while my bachelor's grades were probably not stellar (I had a great time in college, and that's about all), I had at least 12 masters' credits that were all A's. She actually hung up on me when I said that about having a great time in college. Probably thought I was a crank. Anyway, because of said grades, I am only really qualified to teach Special Ed. Shawn thinks that is wonderful. I have to wonder how that would be any different than summer with my kids, but so be it...It may all be moot anyway. I mean, how can I teach? I have 11 children! I immediately change the look of my blog, utilizing a picture. I wanted to add the tag line of the actual photo amended just a bit..."You don't scare me. I have 11 children." I deleted it in the end. I really don't want anyone to think I am making light of our situation, but there you have it. My life in a nut shell. We canceled the trip to see grandma. I went with three of the girls. I decided then that I really, really need to move on to my plan. Have you ever had a child put ice cubes down your shirt while you are driving 70 mph on a crowded highway. Welcome to my life...

before the road trip, Relaxin' in the car!

And finally, the more things change...

I missed my blog, and I missed you...hey I have seven subscribers now. I am planning on going back to its original intent...talking about God, and Mass, and annoying people with my firmly Catholic viewpoint. Did you miss me....digressions and all! In support of that goal I am starting two other blogs so this can stay firmly about Catholicism, my 11 crazy kids, and eating nutritionally dense food. I'm baaaack...

 

Just immature...you be the judge?

I am pretty sure this isn't what Jesus meant when he said, "Let the little children come to me."

Our 18 year old just got his first job. He resisted it..."this is 2012, kids my age don't work." Yes, honey, if you were in all AP classes and doing volunteer work on the weekends, we would just hand you cash...but if you aren't even in school, I think it is a bad idea for parents to subsidize their kids play time. In our house it is an old argument. We have been more generous in our stance since he started working. And looking for an apartment. During the week, his friend ran out of gas and was his ride back to the apartment and to work. He asked for and I agreed to $5 for gas. At the convenient store, I picked up a coffee and got $5 cash. I hurried out so he had no opportunity to talk me into more. He was parked on the back fender of my car so he could talk to his dad...he does know how to work me! Another $5 later, for lunch, I wonder how he is able to do that...am I that weak. Or is he?

google image

Today, it was his dad. I heard him talking to our son on the phone. "your mom made dinner and i would be happy to bring some to you. Yes, I know you are working...that's why I said I would bring it. Yes, I know I promised you a meatball hoagie, but I forgot it was Friday...I know you are not practicing your Catholicism, but I still don't feel right about it...I can get you tuna hoagie if you prefer." The second conversation went much the same. I grinned at my husband--maybe its not just me-- and was about to make a smart remark; until my phone immediately started vibrating in my pocket. I said, "its your son." He wanted to know why his father was treating him like that. I told him that if he chose to make his way in the world, he had to take care of himself. Yes, I understood that he was working and we even were OK with buying him a special lunch but we were not buying meatballs on Friday during Lent. If he wanted them, he or his girlfriend would have to get them...she had already offered. He said it wasn't his girlfriend's job to buy him dinner (to which I promptly agreed and thanked her) and he said it was his father's responsibility. I told my son that I was not going to buy it, and I would be upset with his father if he bought it. He wasn't practicing but was baptised Catholic. I told him as an adult, he was free to choose what customs he wanted to follow, but if he wanted something we didn't agree with, he or his girlfriend was free to buy his dinner. He said, "but I want dad to get it for me." Sigh. I looked at Shawn, and he said, "its like Obamacare."

I think the reason Obama's mandated health care makes me so angry is that it is so similar to irresponsible teenager behavior. The only difference is by mandating we pay for it, there is no way to temper the behavior. I always believed that natural consequences would make teenagers become responsible young ladies and gentlemen, however, the older I get, the more I see well-meaning adults protecting their children from these consequences and the resulting tragedies that occur...up to and including death. The Catholic church has always taught that birth control was intrinsically evil. Further, hormonal birth control has an abortifacient aspect which the Church also discourages. And finally, there are proven negative health consequences for using them, regardless of the reason. This is the churches position since BC pills were first approved by the FDA for use and has not changed. In the 60 or so years since it was approved, the church has not changed its position, but the FDA has issued strong warnings, going so far as to label some of them pills as a class 1 carcinogen; on the same level as tobacco. Still, Obama would like to mandate the Catholic church to pay for such potentially lethal  and elective drugs and procedures. The Catholic church, its millions of followers, and others who do not agree with the use of the drugs would all have to help pay for the individuals who choose to use them. Regardless of the consequences, the constitution of the United States allows the individuals to purchase potentially life threatening drugs. That doesn't make it right. And there is no such right to it. But making us help pay opens the door to us contributing to many other things that we do not agree with or want to support. That is what makes it so maddening.

Further examples from this week. Lesbian with kids in the catholic school demands removal of a quote that she felt offensive. She could have just taken her child out of the school, however, she felt that it was a good school and she wanted her daughter there. She just wanted to change it. She wanted a 2000 year old institution to change to make her feel more comfortable. In a similar story in recent weeks, a catholic woman returned to her hometown for her mother's funeral. She was in a long-standing relationship so one supposes she is not in a state of grace. She told the priest officiating and also that she was a practicing Buddhist and then presented herself for the Holy Eucharist...the body of Christ. The Priest was reprimanded for his actions....she was applauded. Is it only valid if you "stick it to the church." Makes you think this isn't so much about a person's right to choose, but a person's right to choose to go against the church and make them back down. It is a spiritual battle...not one we are likely to win in the courts.

How about one a little closer to home...most of us have children. Planned Parenthood, an institution that has had arguably the most effect on our culture in the last century, has begun targeting younger and younger children with its message. They provide much of the literature for sex education in our school and they speak the language our children understand. They have begun spreading the message that  " Good Parents let kids have sex at home. There is no reason to stunt your sexual development...it is perfectly normal and healthy to have multiple partners even at the same time. Just do it safely. Your parents don't understand." Yes, we understand that you talk their language better than we do. We also understand that, like our bishops, we are going to fight back.

google image

• We will study the youth culture. We will learn the things you are up against, and we will remain or become relevant in your life. We will win you back.
• We will set rules about important things and try not to back down when you test them. We will cry with you when you suffer from making a mistake, but will still love and support you, and live to see you in a happy relationship and raising a family of your own. We will be sad, if in fact, you don't make it but will pray that you embrace your faith, love God, and live happily with God forever.
• We will not compromise our values. We try to espouse the values of the Catholic church...values that are tested over the course of centuries and not just a few decades...They are not whims of a few who have nothing to base them on except feelings; feelings that we know are only fleeting. We will hold your hand, support you, and love you. We know from living our own lives that it isn't easy...nothing important and good ever is. But it is true.

And we will pray for you and our world. It really is a spiritual battle.

St Michael the archangel, defend us in battle. Be our protection against the wickedness and snares of the devil...

Why we don't eat meat on friday's, marry our siblings, and other things catholic...a FAQ

So, if you are riding in a car with 7 children, the conversation can go in any direction....we only know that it can take us unexpected places. Hopefully, by the end of the ride, we will have some consensus on what the conversation was about and what the resolution was. Saturday was such a day. As we were riding to church, we asked if anyone had though about what they were going to give up for Lent. Blank stares...What are we going to abstain from? Abstain; yes, you know fast. After more silence, a brave boy from the back seat said, "What is fast?" Yes, in a car load of six new catholics who had only just been brought into a catholic home, we had some splaining to do...

We explained that among other reasons, Catholics wanted to suffer along with Jesus' 40 days in the dessert. Jesus went without food or water so he was able to remain strong and resist the temptations of the devil. We try to give up something for Lent, to remain strong with Jesus. When we explained that we were younger, we would give up candy. My brave 6th grader said, "Yeah, that's what I am going to do." confidently, since we don't often have candy.

We then explained to the children that we try to give up something a little harder, like football :o) Or we try to add something in. After some conversation, we decided to go back to doing our rosary every day for Lent since we kindof gave it up by the time everyone returned home at Christmas.

We only just broached the idea of fasting...giving up meat...MEAT. We decided to save that for another day...My children like meat...a lot! So now we have some idea of the journey we will be taking this Lent...at least we know what we are adding and we have a vague idea that we need to give up meat. As for why we don't marry our siblings...that was my been Catholic since birth daughter. She was reading Genesis in the bible, completely unconcerned by the idea of fasting...couldn't care less and had never given up a thing in her life. She could not understand how Adam and Eve could have children if they were brother and sister. The best I could do, since it is a divine mystery, was that when God made their bodies, they were perfect. After years of being not perfect, it isn't such a good idea...Now our bodies have many years of abuse and imperfect genes to account for. We try to help our bodies by giving the best food possible and by trying not to pass on too many problems. And she really needs to think about what she is going to give up this lent, too. It is a family thing.

I think I am giving up taking car rides with my kids...


edited to add a link to the blog lent link up I shared this on...if you are interested in more...

The Alluring World Lent Link Up

I hate the dentist...

Back in the time of the mighty Roman Empire, things were handled a bit differently than we do now in our modern age. For example, if a woman gave birth, the child was not immediately oohhhed over and given a name. In Roman times, the midwife delivered the baby and placed it on the ground. The father, as head of the household, then decided what would happen...if he wanted the baby, it was cleaned up, named, and the ooohhing commenced. If he gave the baby a thumbs down for whatever reason, the baby was then exposed to the elements and left for dead, usually outside the walls of the town. At that point, animals or the weather would finish the child. Unlike the pagans, the new Christians in Rome...members of Jesus' new Catholic church believed in the value of life. They began collecting these discarded babies and caring for them. These new Catholics didn't worry that they were pagan babies--God doesn't care. God blessed those efforts and eventually, the Catholics were to triumph over the mighty Roman Empire. It didn't happen quickly, but the Catholic church never let paganism--evil--triumph over it. God worked mightily in His oppressed people, and they persevered in doing His work and spreading His Good News.

Today, we are living in a neo-pagan culture that again believes the right of people to choose for themselves which life is worthy of being given a chance.  Women and men decide at the babies conception or some time afterward if they want to be a parent. Sometimes the mother doesn't believe she has the money, time, or situation that the baby should be born into. Other times, the baby might have a physical problem that would prohibit a good life like down syndrome, a birth defect...the wrong sex. Whatever the reason, our society now condones...applauds the woman's right to choose life or death. We refuse to see that the baby is nothing more than an appendage of the mother while it is still inside her body, and so if we never see the smile, the laugh...the arm, we are not leaving it behind the city gates, so to speak. It is much more sterile. So we are not really killing babies like those pagan roman's--for pete's sake, its a surgical procedure like getting a tooth pulled. Really? Well, you decide.

pulled tooth

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aborted baby

This was just to remind you that the Catholic church has a long history of protecting babies and other defenseless people.

Additionally, the Catholic church, since Jesus formed it more than 2000 years ago has been healing sinners and trying to bring comfort. In one of its sacraments, Reconciliation, the Priests are to act as a conduit through which Jesus' healing and forgiveness of sins is complete. Today, through groups like Gabrielle's or Rachael's Project, women and men who have suffered through an abortion can receive healing and mother's who are expecting can receive aid. In its 2000 year history the church has had some moments when in condemned, but much of it history has been bringing forgiveness and healing to its members and others.

All this is just to say, hey guys, we have held onto this belief for more than 2000 years. Jesus himself appointed the first pope...he was the man. The others deferred to him. We still do, and through divine grace, a man holding this office ever since has made sound decisions regarding the issues important to Jesus' church. I am not saying that every Pope who has been in office has been a holy man, however, each has made decisions regarding important church teaching that have remained sound. Its like they may have been really bad men, but when it came to leading the church through its important decisions, they were able to dredge through the sludge and make the right decision. Jesus protects His church. On this mandate that President Obama is trying to pass, The Catholic Church will remain strong and not accept evil in continuing to do something good.

The very sad part of this is, the American public will lose. Obama wants to pass a resolution that will change our constitution and rather than look at that as an evil, everyone would rather focus on those evil old men priests who abuse boys. I am not minimizing, but is that really the issue. The issue is being clouded by everything other than what it is...Obama, using the power of his government office, wishes to mandate a religious institution to abandon its 2000 year old beliefs and precepts. whatever happened to the separation of church and state?

The Baptism of Jesus and a little more...

the baptism of Jesus from Wylio

Yesterday I posted about Epiphany. I was a little confused and still am, but today at Mass, things became a bit clearer. I knew that in some fashion, Epiphany also was about Jesus' Baptism. I couldn't connect all the dots because I thought all of it was connected. I am not sure, but I think that today's solemn feast is actually a distinct feast that is generally celebrated on Epiphany. It is not, this year, because of a scheduling of the Liturgical Year. Clear as mud...Why does it feel like, as a cradle Catholic, I am learning about my faith on a day by day basis. Anyone else feel this way. I guess trying to really teach it to my children I am, in fact, learning about it. So, Epiphany is the Pinnacle of the Christmas season...the highest part. And then, the Baptism of Jesus, and the beginning of his public ministry, is the end of Christmas...take down those decorations. I think we can eat more snowmen on a stick, too...totally appropriate.

Everything I Know About Parenting, I Learned From My Cat...
Many of you might remember that a few weeks ago, our cat had kittens. She is a young cat and it was an unplanned pregnancy :( We had not had the opportunity to take her for her operation; quite honestly, didn't even think she was old enough to have kittens. But she did and they were born prematurely. It was a devastating experience for my 10 year old daughter who spent a lot of time with her and then helped her with the kittens. Three kittens were born during a 24 hour period and we lost two shortly after their birth. The last kitten survived longer, possibly because she was born last and much later than the second earlier two. More likely because Tina hand fed it. Since they were so early...small and no hair...and our cat didn't really seem to have a maternal instinct, this gave the kitten a chance to linger. Unfortunately, it couldn't keep any heat, and when we finally left it alone with her mom, it expired. While she didn't seem to have a maternal instinct, Ashe, our cat, did feel possessive and she continually carried the kittens to her corner where she had the kittens. To our surprise, last week she stalked and "captured" one of Tina's toys...a small stuffed dog. I thought she was trying to eat it, like the dogs do with stuffed animals. But she just kept it. It wasn't until she tried to feed it, that I realized what she was doing...


Ashe's Kitty eats Kibbles...

Yes, Ashe likes to eat; is becoming quite fat actually. Eating is her favorite thing to do. We started to get the idea when we saw her place her kitty in her food bowl. She never really got the hang of doing it any other way and this is how all the other animals in the house eat :o)

Parenting does not come naturally to most. Like Ashe, we learn to parent by observing our own parents. The longer we live, the more ideas and models we have to parenting. That can be a good thing, if we have good models. If we don't, it can actually damage us. And, there is always books. I have reviewed two books and I will review more. However, I am going to spend some time looking at the bible as the ultimate parenting manual. The older I get...the longer I parent, the more I am convinced that the answer to most of our questions in life are found in this book. I am not wedded to a format, though, so if anyone has any ideas, please comment and tell me ideas...options...questions.

Concluded with a Cross...

So, I confessed that I don't like confession...but what I didn't tell you was that I went back. About three week ago. It was after about 20 years. I never really felt the need; no I don't think I am sinless. I always thought that if I did a good examination of conscience and asked directly, I was good. Lately, however, I have been listening to Catholic radio in the car. Day after day, hour after hour, I was bombarded by messages telling me I was not getting the full grace of my faith by missing out on one of the few sacraments I am able to access at any time. Then at church, the priest would echo that. I didn't even have any relief at home...Shawn hounded me all the time to go. I was feeling some pressure. But two things happened to push me over the edge. 1. I told my son that I went in an effort to get him to go to mass. I didn't intend to lie, but when he misunderstood me and was so impressed that I had gone...well, what was I supposed to say. 2. When I was beginning to feel the conviction to attend, it became overwhelming. I was still under the impression that Catholics are required to confess once a year or they cannot receive. I became convinced that the priest could sense that I had not received reconciliation in 20 years and so he would deny me the Eucharist. In a panic, I fled, in tears...no drama here! In our very large parish of thousands of parishioners, we only have confession one night a week. It happened to be that day. I arranged to attend, with great difficulty---i have 11 children with active schedules; they didn't feel my sense of urgency. But Shawn did...he moved heaven and earth and children to free my schedule. My panic was immense. I couldn't even remember what I was supposed to say. I went in and sat down with a priest I have never seen before and told him it was 20 years and these were my sins...and nothing. I could not call to mind one single sin. He was silent and finally asked, "so what brought you here." "Mother Angelica was hounding me", was all I could come up with...All my sins forgiven, though I hadn't really confessed one. I fairly floated home...weight that I hadn't felt before was gone. We have an awesome God...

Oh, and I guess I lied...It was not 20 years since my last confession. I had a priest absolve my sins during that time. I was under the influence of some amazing drugs and having gallbladder surgery at the time so I suppose I can be forgiven for forgetting. I do remember the feeling of lightness from my sins (no, it wasn't just the amazing drugs!!). Even afterwards, I had thought about having a little alternative surgery done on a regular basis to have a priest give absolution without having to confess...but I forgot after even a short time. Does anyone else ever read the old testament and marvel at those silly Israelites? God would bring them out of slavery through miraculous means and they would turn around and forget. I guess we are all just as silly! The memory is so very short. But having your sins forgiven by God; hearing it from a Priest is an amazing thing. So for my Catholic sisters and brother, use Advent as a chance to go back to the sacrament and remember what you have been missing. If you regularly take advantage, good for you! And if you are a Christian brother or sister...this is just another amazing reason for Catholicism! Just one...

from google images

Now, in my effort to make a reconciliation a regular part of my life, i am trying to attend once a month. I am trying to do an examination of conscience on a regular basis. An examination of Conscience is usually based on the 10 commandments. There are other ways to do it, but we have such a thorough process by which to accomplish this in the ten commandments. Interestingly enough, there was support for this in the first reading at Mass today, so I didn't have to look far (reading is from Isaiah 48:17-19).
Thus says the LORD, your redeemer,



the Holy One of Israel:


I, the LORD, your God,


teach you what is for your good,


and lead you on the way you should go.


If you would hearken to my commandments,


your prosperity would be like a river,


and your vindication like the waves of the sea;


Your descendants would be like the sand,


and those born of your stock like its grains,


Their name never cut off


or blotted out from my presence

So, without further ado...the 10 Commandments:

1. I am the LORD your God. You shall worship the Lord your God and Him only shall you serve.
have I loved God more than anything else (sex, money, power, or ambition), engaged in superstitions (horoscope), or the occult (Ouija board, seances, worship of the devil), or let someone or something influence my decisions more than God?
2. You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain.
have I spoken with disrespect about God or failed to keep vows or promises I made to God, belittled others with my speech, or spoken obscenely?
3. Remember to keep holy the Sabbath day.
have I remembered to set aside time each day for personal prayer, shopped, done labor, or business on Sunday without a good reason, missed or neglected to take a child under my care to Mass on Sunday or on a Holy Day of Obligation?
4. Honor your father and your mother.
have I obeyed what my parents have asked of me (if I am still under their care) or failed to take care of my parents in their old age, been to my children a good example of a catholic parent, lived in humble obedience to those who legitimately exercise authority over me, and not supported politicians whose positions are in opposition to the teachings of Christ and the Catholic Church?
5. You shall not kill.
have I been involved directly or indirectly in an abortion, verbally or emotionally abused another, threatened another with physical harm, purposely provoked another by nagging, deliberately annoyed or teased another, joined a hate group or discriminated against someone, used tobacco immoderately, over-eaten, refused to forgive someone when asked, hated someone, indulged in serious anger, refused to control my temper, delighted to see someone else be hurt or suffer, engaged in animal cruelty?
6 & 9. You shall not commit adultery.
             You shall not covet your neighbor's wife.
have I practiced chastity, given into lust, practiced artificial contraception, not been open to conception, without just cause, engaged in homosexuality, or dressed immodestly?
7 &10. You shall not steal.
               You shall not covet your neighbor's goods.
have I stolen, envied other for their possessions, freed myself from a consumer mentality, tried to live in a spirit of Gospel poverty and simplicity, given generously to others in need, or misused natural resources?
8. You shall not bear false witness against your neighbor.
have I lied, gossiped, or ruined someones reputation and destroyed his credibility, been guilty of a rash judgement, failed to speak in defense of the Catholic faith, the Church, or another person, or betrayed anther's confidence through speech.