We actually called it the Curse of Dad...my sisters and I. That something we knew we lived with, but could not put a finger on. The explanation for the un-dateable status my father's daughters found ourselves in forever, or at least during our teen years, despite being presentable, or as one possible beau put it, ordinary looking--what was I thinking, of course he is a monk now, so it might be excuse. The Curse of Dad may have been his budding Catholicism, his interest in the Cursillo movement in the 70's, or remembered actions of boys from his own youth. Either way, it effectively killed any romance in the Fils-Aime house during our teen years. That or my father's past as a member in the Haitian National Soccer team and the mean face he had to hone in order to play. Everyone was afraid of my dad. I often credit the Curse of Dad, whatever it was, that protected me from my self in my youth. While dad was interested in the minutia of our lives and our friends, he was not raised by his father...a fact that has hurt him to this day. His mother conceived out of wed lock. In Haiti, there were not many options for a beautiful young girl to change her station in life. When she found, what she believed was love, with a wealthy young man--and I like to believe he loved her-- he didn't have that many options either. He did not choose to abandon his son, and instead, sent money and things while he married a young woman from an appropriate family. This woman, and her children, accepted my father's position as the first son, however, he never felt his father's love...always felt like a beggar. His mother left her son with her own sister who raised him with her children and her husband. But he was always that fatherless boy...Being raised with that sense of not being enough was with me, so I was ready to believe that I was not enough.
I wonder about my daughter, who was raised so differently from me. Always the princess...only until she decided to become a diva. But always assured of who she was. Though her father, my husband, is also a soccer player, he honed only his skills and a smile...no scaring boys off, for my girl. But, with only a year left of high school, my daughter remains single. She has bragged on her facebook page that she was sweet 16 and never been kissed. And not ordinary looking in the least, my daughter knows she is beautiful. While my husband did not have the best home life, he knew he was loved and was secure. He passed that easy assurance onto his children.
These two men, with very different backgrounds had one thing in common besides a love of soccer. They both did not know their heavenly father as well as they should have in their early years. Both, however, raised their daughters the best that they could have with what they knew. This also proves what Mary Pipher, author of Reviving Ophelia: The Saving of our Teenage Daughters Selves, stated. Pipher believed that having a father who was interested in his young daughters' life--girls in the middle school age--directly impacted how they would view themselves, their lives, and their relationships. There was no right or wrong way, both my father and my husband were interested parents. Both are praying men. They did the best they could and trusted God to supernaturally fill in the spots that were lacking.
What about the rest. I have many friends who did not live with their fathers or even know him. I have friends who were abused by their fathers. Some in sexual ways that prohibited them from ever having a normal relationship with another man. There are so many kinds of fathers that girls might end up with. One thing certain, however, is since the 1950's, they have grown up in a world that is influenced by Planned Parenthood. In fact, Planned Parenthood is targeting younger and younger children, right in that crucial middle school range...the years that we lose our daughters. In the school, in the media, and in the culture, we have seen its mark --much more drastically than fatherhood can impact it. We tell our boys that they should do not need to be in love or responsible. They just need to do what feels good. They in turn tell women that they are not interested in love. Women, who have not been trained in knowing that she is, in fact, a princess of great worth, believe that is OK. They give away that which is precious at an age before they are even aware that they have that is of great worth. They believe the lie of the enemy. They believe the lie that all they have to worry about is themselves. They believe that they have a choice. They do not know that the are the daughter of the King...our heavenly father. Each generation believing the lies and spreading the gospel of the enemy. In fact, as we head into later generations, the mark is much more noticeable. Bad parenting begets bad parenting begets our world...how did we ever wonder that the sins of the father would be on us.
|Luke 11: 29
|29||When the crowds were increasing, he began to say, "This generation is an evil generation; it seeks a sign, but no sign shall be given to it except the sign of Jonah.|
|30||For as Jonah became a sign to the men of Nin'eveh, so will the Son of man be to this generation.|
|31||The queen of the South will arise at the judgment with the men of this generation and condemn them; for she came from the ends of the earth to hear the wisdom of Solomon, and behold, something greater than Solomon is here.|
|32||The men of Nin'eveh will arise at the
judgment with this generation and condemn it; for they repented at the preaching
of Jonah, and behold, something greater than Jonah is here|
We don't pay attention. This generation is evil. So many live without regret for their actions. We laugh, and say how could we think that a 2000 year old book have anything to do with our lives or have any relevance with the world we live in. Father, we do not act like the royalty that we are. Father, we are sorry...