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| Bossie, its all over now!! |
I had thought about writing some of this for my blog, but felt that it is all in TMI territory. I will share with you my kids lives, my political and pro-life rants, but this just seems kindof personal. And unimportant in the grand scheme of things. Then I read this blog article on one of my favorite blogs, and copied down these interesting facts:
None of this seems remarkably interesting. I am sorry that girls and women like to compare ourselves to others. So what...its not earth shattering. I personally have stopped posing for pictures and looking in mirrors, shopping only when necessary. I was a thin kid. I always wanted to be thinner. I also knew that, on a scale of 1-10, my complaints were not even on the scale. My skin was good, too...don't hate me because I was beautiful :o)
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| I was one happy chick, back in the day!!! |
Things change. It doesn't matter that I exercise or not. It doesn't matter when I eat good or make poor choices. At all...Sometime after my marriage, it all started to go down hill. Don't blame my husband--I actually did at first!! Wondered if I was allergic to him. I mean begin to get acne in my mid-twenties after never having had an issue. The only thing that had changed was my husband...he was suspect number one!! It wasn't that, oh my husband loves me for me and not my face...body...fill in the blank. I personally suspect my husband loves me for my mind, but that's just me. It wasn't anything I could define, but after meeting Shawn, it all started to go down hill. Right before we were engaged, I needed to go to the hospital for breathing treatments. Asthma, it turned out. Well duh, I was a heavy smoker and no asthma is going to stop me. Even the doctor treating me with a breathing treatment in the hospital stuck his cigarette on my tray table while he checked me...it was the 80's people...smoking was still cool. The night we got engaged, Shawn actually came to take me out for dinner but I was so sick from all the medecine. I declined and he was forced to get down on his knees in my mom's living room...ok, he didn't but he was supposed. We are still fighting about that!! Then I had some trouble driving...really tired in the afternoon. I put it down to the weight that crept on...But I had to drive for work. I quit. Depression...I am such a slug. And I don't even care. Then my eye went crazy...I went blind in one eye while on vacation in Ca. Optic neuritis...not so bad but the treatment was my first experience with prednisone...yuck! The doctor said, its no big deal. Six months later it happened in the other eye...this time the doctor recommended I see my physician. Well, you know that was Bossie time again! My doctor played it off...she does not believe in drama...yeah, it might be indicative of some things, but I am sure you are fine. Fast forward...after two rounds of prednisone, I was starting to look like Bossie. But a remarkable thing happened. My best friend in the world was diagnosed and consequently died from cancer. Sometime in the process, I began running 3 miles every day. It didn't help with my weight, but definitely with my mood. After Anne died...the next week in fact, I had to call my doctor. I was having some kind of seizures and it effected my handwriting...At class that week, I locked myself in the library at Marywood and by the end of the day had diagnosed myself with Multiple Sclerosis. I told myself Anne had died...if it was just a chronic disease with no cure, I was way ahead of the game. It was, and I was, and another round of prednisone in retrospect was no big deal. But it was life changing. We decided to get agressive if we wanted to have children.
16 years later, and nothing has changed...except I am too tired to run anymore. I tried swimming. It wasn't great. After the kids, I had reletively few exacerbations. I was lucky. With my last one before I left PA, I was introduced to IV steriods, or the aldo novo treatments as I called them...you see, luckily, my brain is the last thing to go. I worry daily about my ability to retain knowledge. Early Altziemers...maybe. Grandma's a bit mad. I have encouraged my children to let me go and ignore the bad temper as much as possible. They just ignore me. Last Christmas I had Bells Palsy, a very unattractive design. I just keep smiling and thinking, God...I cannot lose the weight from PA and I am barely moving at all. How do I take care of these kids...This round of prednisone was no weight change at all. I only know this because, after having Shawn remove all the scales in the house, I had him bring one in...
What was different? I was not exercizing at all. Too tired to even move. Whole food? That was the only change...could it matter that much?
Last summer, I read enough information on whole food from this book, The Unhealthy Truth by Robyn O'Brien, that we went completely organic. Even with 11 children (and a few who resist still anything that doesn't have a Walmart label on it) our grocery bill, which was already high, did not go up. In fact, I am pretty sure it is lower. And I don't have to feed them every two hours. And our behavior is better. But something else I had read was that with all the genetically altered there was much that was untested and, even with the ones that were, results were negative or incunclusive. These types of foods that I have been raising my family on, and that I ate regularly, when a newly wed and all through college, are found to cause all types of problems. I will try and find some facts to fill you in, but the point of my sadness today was the increase in autoimmune disease. I wonder if this is, in fact, the source of my MS...I believe, as well, that I have an impaired thyroid...a thyroid that has autoimmune antibodies in it...All the horrible side effects I have had for 25 years...junk food?
I feel so sheepish...
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