Friday, October 7, 2011

my "lost" boys...

So we are having some difficulties with our oldest child. My son, who gave up going to Mass almost a year ago, not because he doesn't believe in God, but because he doesn't trust the people who organize our religion...asked me if he could attend mass with me this morning. I was shocked, but happy. Without his permission, though I did warn him...I have been praying that God would force him to his knees. He is playing around on the edge of the law and experimenting with drugs and alcohol. What I warned him was, "I am going to Mass to pray that whatever illegal substance you put in your body from now on makes you violently ill...not just you, but you and your little brother!!" I meant it in the best possible way. But really what I prayed was, "Lord, these boys know you, but don't believe that you are relevant...Please show them that they are not as smart as they think they are. Let them know that only in you and through you will good things come." It just came out the other way...

My lost boys and how I try to remember them in my mind so I don't wish them harm!!

But isn't that the only thing we want them to know. I could not even hope to raise 11 children on my own. I don't mean that Shawn doesn't help. He is an amazing father with endless energy. Even with all we have going on, I never though we could do it alone. Parenting is hard. Before I even spoke to Shawn about trying to adopt the last seven, I had some talks with God and that passage kept coming back. That and the one I keep on my blog signature...the will of God will never take you where the grace of God will not protect you. I took it to heart and it has kept me going. Our last adoption was not easy and Shawn and I were prepared at every step to call it off if it seemed that God did not wish for us to do this. So many times I was so beaten down and discouraged I would have gladly walked away. At one point, I think I was seriously depressed. But I realize now that that is just lack of faith. I was never expected to do this on my own. God has His hand on this and I all I need to do is "show up." So I will do my best and know that God will fix the rest if I am faithful and obedient.

I used to get very sad every time my children yell this at me...sorry you are sad (tired...need a sitter, etc...) but its your own fault. I don't despair anymore. I know that I am following God's will. Now they just tell me that God doesn't talk to me. Yeah...but have you talked to Him lately? Since I have become obedient to the Mass I have seen God moving. Same with the Rosary. Like my children, I didn't think that a lot of Catholic Traditions were really relevant, but I can see that they are. I am going to begin praying the rosary with my little kids each night, inviting the older ones, but not insisting. What are we going to pray end to abortion...that their brothers become violently ill if they drink? Maybe a little of all of that. But mostly, I think we are going to pray for peace in our home and becoming a family who loves each other...

Sunday's Second reading from
Philippians 4: 12 - 14, 19 - 20

12 I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound; in any and all circumstances I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger, abundance and want.
13 I can do all things in him who strengthens me.
14 Yet it was kind of you to share my trouble.
19 And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
20 To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen

Father, I cannot do this on your own. You asked me to take on these children. Please show me the rules of how to raise them in Your book. I am tired of reading the opinions of others. I need your word...and your stregnth. You have promised me that You have everything I need...amen.

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