Why I Will End Up in the Dung Pit...

All those really good qualities we look for in a good, christian woman...I am the opposite of them. I have no patience. I feel disgust more often than I feel love, and I get mad, mad, mad way more often than I am supposed to. I really want to sell a book or a song, or my new favorite rap :o) to make a million dollars so my wonderful, long-suffering husband can stay home and take care of my beautiful children the way they deserve to be cared for. They need Martha, but even Mary would be a step-up. They got Holly...

Last night my son who I raved about in my last post was doing his homework and in a rare quiet moment, tried to share with me..."Hey mom, we learned a little bit about Martin Luther King in school today." A great, black man, a man whose name I gave to the only child I was privledged to name, and what do I say. I tell my son, a boy who is as equally likely to be a sports giant as one of God's Holy priests...he has my blessing where ever he can give more Glory to God...I tell him, "James, he was an amazing man who did a tremendous amount for the black people. But he ruined his witness by being continually unfaithful to his wife...When you are in position to be a witness and role model to people, don't ruin your witness. Run from sexual sin like Joseph..." To my 9 year old son I said this. Thought he was going to swallow his tongue. No, why can't I just be a mom...

The problem with my angst comes from watching my children suffer in this world. I tell them I only want them to gain Heaven, but there could be a lot of living between now and then. And we aren't faring so well in the real world. I have spent all of my parenting years living in a bubble...not white not black. Just those Murphy's with all the kids. The white community is kind...quick to send clothes in case there is need and more than once an unexpected package of food left on the doorstep. Kindness that is appreciated more for the fact that it is offered than because of a need. Often it is grudging...the neighbor who complains that we have brought down the property value and builds a trellis to cut the noise "from the street." Worse still is the black community reaction...the guardian ad litum who felt it would be better for the children to be split up in foster care than raised by white parents...really, and catholic. He was an altar boy...No, we don't think so.

The black community...that is the main source of my anger today. I sent two, not one, but two, scathing letters today to the black radio station in Dallas. Yes, they play disgusting rap music, but I try and tolerate it as long as I can in the mornings. When the kids realize they are listening to EWTN they move it to K-104.5 Dallas. I don't complain so much because it is usually pretty amusing. The djays are intelligent and often funny and its for a few minutes. This morning they were talking about a race for the cure. Susan B. Koman again...they really have set themselves up as the face of breast cancer. But they have not taken into account this angry black woman...and I have declared myself this as of today. If a housewife with 11 kids can stumble across the information, a radio station that has at least 3 people in charge of events could do a google search and find it. I don't have time to dot my i's and cross my t's...they can. Koman is sending money to Planned Parenthood which has a eugenic agenda and wants to kill black babies. Do you see the problem? I didn't expect to hear from the white ladies who are running the Play for a Cure Event in our school district. We have loved it...the two rival high schools in our district, Keller and Central have their grudge match and everyone, including the players wear pink and sing Kum Bye Ah. Its very successful and they raise lots of money, but Koman must disassociate from Planned Parenthood. Aside from the babies, abortion is linked to breast cancer. It makes no sense...send the money elsewhere. But no, I didn't expect a response. But a black radio station, supporting black artists, and earning revenue from the black community...their kids. My kids...

As I sat at mass this morning and listened to the gospel about Mary and Martha...I thought about next Sunday's readings from Isaiah. And yesterdays...they all say the same thing. Why didn't I see that before. Praising God is most important. Doing is necessary as well...just don't make an idol out of what you are doing...

Kiki at the Southlake Life Chain...we were asked to be respectful of the public and prayerful, not angry...words to live by...

Father, I am so angry. I know that my children need instruction and information, but they also need basic care and love. Please help me to turn off that need in me to have my voice heard and my issues addressed. The most important thing is that I point to You and then take care of business. Help me to keep my priorities straight...amen.